For some strange reason as I get older I am developing an addiction to journals, I keep buying new ones and then scared to write in them. However, I'm not much of a writer but I think my subconscious is telling me I need to write. So for the past couple of years, I've tried just that, writing. But sadly I get upset and frustrated with my writing skills and the content of the subject along with the pain in my hand.
I will write a few pages then my hand is on fire and I look at the sloppy writing and the subject and I flat out hate it so much that I tear it out and as a result, I ruin the journal. I've ruined a few in the last couple of years but it wasn't until one day it finally occurred to me what my problem was. Most of my life I've been criticized for almost everything. Being quiet, shy, awkward, standoffish, negative, complainer, loner, etc. The biggest thing has always been the way I talk and get things off my chest. I never considered myself as complaining or saying my issues were worse than others. I just want to say how I was feeling. But sadly the way it sounds coming out gives everyone the idea I'm complaining.
So after years of hearing people saying stop complaining and everyone has issues etc. that now when I write and when I read what I wrote that's what I hear. And that's why I always hate what I write. Until one day I thought to myself "This is for you". And just like that I realized I'm not writing for others or their approval, I'm writing for me. So that's what I going to start doing. Going to start using those four words every time I write to remind me it's for me and me alone. If others don't like it that's their problem, not mine.
Not sure where writing is going to take me, don't think I'll be a famous novelist but I hope to leave behind a few journals for others to see what was going on in my life if they choose to.
This was for me,
Jack
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Thursday, July 6, 2017
Memento Mori
Full Disclosure: This was written by the Daily Stoic Website. All rights belong to them. I just thought this was worth sharing. Please visit their site for more awesome insights. www.dailystoic.com
- Jack
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” Seneca
At a Roman triumph, the majority of the public would have their eyes glued to the victorious general at the front—one of the most coveted spots during Roman times. Only a few would notice the aide in the back, right behind the commander, whispering into his ear, “Remember, thou art mortal.” What a reminder to hear at the peak of glory and victory!
It is reminders like this one that we desperately need in our own lives—a thought or an idea that we’d rather ignore, do everything to avoid and pretend is not true. Most often, our ego runs away from anything that reminds us of the reality that sits at odds with the comfortable narrative we have build for ourselves. Or, we are simply petrified to look at life’s facts as they are. And there is one simple fact that most of us are utterly scared to meditate, reflect on and face head on: We are going to die. Everyone around us is going to die.
Such reminders and exercises take part of Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality that goes back to Socrates, who said that the proper practice of philosophy is “about nothing else but dying and being dead.” In early Buddhist texts, a prominent term is maraṇasati, which translates as ‘remember death.’ Some Sufis have been called the “people of the graves,” because of their practice of frequenting graveyards to ponder on death and one’s mortality.
Throughout history, Memento Mori reminders have come in many forms. Some, like the aide behind the general, were there to humble. Others were invented to inspire zest for life. The essayist Michel de Montaigne, for instance, was fond of an ancient Egyptian custom where during times of festivities, a skeleton would be brought out with people cheering “Drink and be merry for when you’re dead you will look like this.”
To us moderns this sounds like an awful idea. Who wants to think about death? But what if instead of being scared and unwilling to embrace this truth we did the opposite? What if reflecting and meditating on that fact was a simple key to living life to the fullest? Or that it was the key to our freedom—as Montaigne put it, “To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”
In his Meditations—essentially his own private journal—Marcus Aurelius wrote that “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” That was a personal reminder to continue living a life of virtue NOW, and not wait. The French painter Philippe de Champaigne expressed a similar sentiment in his painting Still Life with a Skull, which showed the three essentials of existence — the tulip (life), the skull (death), and the hourglass (time). The original painting is part of a genre referred to as Vanitas, a form of 17th century artwork featuring symbols of mortality which encourage reflection on the meaning and fleetingness of life.
Meditating on your mortality is only depressing if you miss the point. It is in fact a tool to create priority and meaning. It’s a tool that generations have used to create real perspective and urgency. To treat our time as a gift and not waste it on the trivial and vain. Death doesn’t make life pointless but rather purposeful. And fortunately, we don’t have to nearly die to tap into this. A simple reminder can bring us closer to living the life we want. It doesn’t matter who you are or how many things you have left to be done, a car can hit you in an intersection and drive your teeth back into your skull. That’s it. It could all be over. Today, tomorrow, someday soon.
The Stoic finds this thought invigorating and humbling. It is not surprising that one of Seneca’s biographies is titled Dying Every Day. After all, it is Seneca who urged us to tell ourselves “You may not wake up tomorrow,” when going to bed and “You may not sleep again,” when waking up as reminders of our mortality. Or as another Stoic, Epictetus, urged his students: “Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible— by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire.” Use those reminders and meditate on them daily—let them be the building blocks of living your life to the fullest and not wasting a second.
- Jack
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. … The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.” Seneca
At a Roman triumph, the majority of the public would have their eyes glued to the victorious general at the front—one of the most coveted spots during Roman times. Only a few would notice the aide in the back, right behind the commander, whispering into his ear, “Remember, thou art mortal.” What a reminder to hear at the peak of glory and victory!
It is reminders like this one that we desperately need in our own lives—a thought or an idea that we’d rather ignore, do everything to avoid and pretend is not true. Most often, our ego runs away from anything that reminds us of the reality that sits at odds with the comfortable narrative we have build for ourselves. Or, we are simply petrified to look at life’s facts as they are. And there is one simple fact that most of us are utterly scared to meditate, reflect on and face head on: We are going to die. Everyone around us is going to die.
Such reminders and exercises take part of Memento Mori—the ancient practice of reflection on mortality that goes back to Socrates, who said that the proper practice of philosophy is “about nothing else but dying and being dead.” In early Buddhist texts, a prominent term is maraṇasati, which translates as ‘remember death.’ Some Sufis have been called the “people of the graves,” because of their practice of frequenting graveyards to ponder on death and one’s mortality.
Throughout history, Memento Mori reminders have come in many forms. Some, like the aide behind the general, were there to humble. Others were invented to inspire zest for life. The essayist Michel de Montaigne, for instance, was fond of an ancient Egyptian custom where during times of festivities, a skeleton would be brought out with people cheering “Drink and be merry for when you’re dead you will look like this.”
To us moderns this sounds like an awful idea. Who wants to think about death? But what if instead of being scared and unwilling to embrace this truth we did the opposite? What if reflecting and meditating on that fact was a simple key to living life to the fullest? Or that it was the key to our freedom—as Montaigne put it, “To practice death is to practice freedom. A man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”
In his Meditations—essentially his own private journal—Marcus Aurelius wrote that “You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” That was a personal reminder to continue living a life of virtue NOW, and not wait. The French painter Philippe de Champaigne expressed a similar sentiment in his painting Still Life with a Skull, which showed the three essentials of existence — the tulip (life), the skull (death), and the hourglass (time). The original painting is part of a genre referred to as Vanitas, a form of 17th century artwork featuring symbols of mortality which encourage reflection on the meaning and fleetingness of life.
Meditating on your mortality is only depressing if you miss the point. It is in fact a tool to create priority and meaning. It’s a tool that generations have used to create real perspective and urgency. To treat our time as a gift and not waste it on the trivial and vain. Death doesn’t make life pointless but rather purposeful. And fortunately, we don’t have to nearly die to tap into this. A simple reminder can bring us closer to living the life we want. It doesn’t matter who you are or how many things you have left to be done, a car can hit you in an intersection and drive your teeth back into your skull. That’s it. It could all be over. Today, tomorrow, someday soon.
The Stoic finds this thought invigorating and humbling. It is not surprising that one of Seneca’s biographies is titled Dying Every Day. After all, it is Seneca who urged us to tell ourselves “You may not wake up tomorrow,” when going to bed and “You may not sleep again,” when waking up as reminders of our mortality. Or as another Stoic, Epictetus, urged his students: “Keep death and exile before your eyes each day, along with everything that seems terrible— by doing so, you’ll never have a base thought nor will you have excessive desire.” Use those reminders and meditate on them daily—let them be the building blocks of living your life to the fullest and not wasting a second.
My Confession and Thoughts
I must admit after 40 years of being a worry expert and self-doubt master, it has been a very hard change for me to take on a new philosophy of the stoics. It has helped me in small ways but I still have a long way to go. Getting the self-doubt and self-criticism under control I think may help me break through years of bad living. It's no joke it's hard very hard breaking a 40-year-old habit is not an easy task. But I love the way the stoics make me feel. Gives me hope and wonder. I've spent the last 8 months or so in a stupor. After the ordeal with my wife and problems at work, I pretty much hit close to the bottom and now I'm trying to get back up on my feet. But it's not that easy for me. My current situation is that I am so down and out my depression and self-doubt are stopping me from pushing through the haze that covers me every day.
One of my biggest regrets in life is I never listened to my parents or step-parents or any adult when they tried to teach me something, now as an adult, I am pretty clueless as to how to handle many adult life decisions. All because I didn't listen when I was younger. I should have gone to college but I was too lazy and hard-headed. Only when I it my twenty did I start taking things seriously. But I still made so many bad decisions that got me nowhere. Now I'm 41 years old with no real skill sets or college degree as of this moment in life I am a glorified mail boy. And from my experiences in job interviews, I will be a laughing stock to them. The only thing I have going for me is that I am a very loyal employee I do have old school work ethics (never late, never call out, etc.) but in today's world that is flat-out use less. I own I home and a car that is slowly fading away and I have no clue how to handle it.
The thing about depression is it makes you contemplate suicide often, and in the last year I have come very close to biting the bullet, or since I don't own a gun maybe an overdose on pain meds. However, I can't kill myself due to a promise I made to my dying grandmother as she faded away. And anybody who knows me well knows I am OCD about keeping my promises. My grandmother was a genius even in her last few hours she knew I'd be tested in life. And that I would want to end. She knew how much she meant to me she knew I would keep my promise. And I always will. I feel if I can overcome the obstacles in my life I'll be a better man for it. Plus I really want to go back to school but sadly I am unable to afford it. Because I got so much I have to pay. (Full Disclosure) In the last year I finally after 40 years developed an addiction. I never in a million years thought I'd be an addict. But here it goes... I'm an online shopping addict. I couldn't seem to stop buying things even though I knew I had no money. But on the flip side as of June 2017, I finally stopped, it was hard and still is. But now I have a bill of 1500.00 due to PayPal and my credit card is around 300.00 at the moment so now I'm stressing about that.
Yesterday my car's brakes started to act funny and now I'm worried my brakes will go out and I'll wreck and maybe hurt someone or myself. So now I'm scared because I don't have money to fix it. I am so unsure of what is to come of my life, scared I may lose my ride and not be able to make it to work in turn can't make money for bills then may lose my home or worse. I am so lost right now. I read every day to help me take my mind off things and gather hope from what I'm reading. I reread a lot of Marcus Aurelius writings and Epictetus and Seneca as well, they help calm me down and I really like it. Just wish I could obtain the skills and knowledge of being a real stoic and a real adult and know how to proceed in my life, right now I feel like a stupid teenager still.
I know this is a lot of complaining and most people in the world will be like stop complaining....everyone has problems with them I say fuck you! Don't you think I know that! I know quite well that others around this world are way worse off them me. So why are you always coming at me with such judgment? I don't judge you not even one ounce because it's not worth my time. I write this today to simply get it off my chest and for the ones that really care about me maybe they might want to help. Please understand I don't want your pity or handouts just advice or help me find ways to improve my situation.
One last thing my health in the last year has gone downhill and I may not be around much longer but I want everyone to know I love them and always will. Not sure if anyone will ever read this. But if you do just know I did not kill myself! I ask that everyone be strong and go on with their lives its what I want everyone to do. Love you all!
Jack
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Thoughts of the day.
I've read a few books in the last few months, a couple are from authors from 50+ years ago and I find myself wondering if the principles they laid forth are able to be applied into today's era? I'm currently reading Dale Carangies book on how to win friends and influence people. So I read the topics he writes and wonder would that work on someone in 2017? Some parts of me think not but I surely will not know until I try. I love his principles in the book and I'm going to apply them the best I can and see what the outcome is.
I've known my whole life that I had learning disabilities all through schooling but I didn't realize until after I started reading how much and how many words I don't know how to pronounce or their meanings, I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid and all. I knew for a fact that math was my worst subject but now I'm learning that I didn't learn so much in English as I thought I did. I've always told people that I have more common sense than book smart and it's true, however, I really am trying hard to change that.
However, the new philosophy that I've adapted and started to apply to my life is really helping me feel better in so many ways, The Stoic Philosophy is amazing if you really study it and understand there meanings. It for one has helped me stop worrying so much and that's great in my eyes. Every day I learn a little more about the Stoics and I couldn't be happier with the choices I've made in my life in the past few months due to the Stoic belief. Just think 7 months ago I wanted to die I begged for it even prayed for it and I don't believe in prayer that's how bad it was. I hated myself and my life. But one single video on Facebook changed my life, for as long as I have left on this planet I will always owe my life to Mentorbox, you may find it silly and that's ok. But years from now if someone reads this let it be known to them that Mentorbox saved my life for the intended reason of their company, simply put in their name Mentor, I needed a mentor 7 months ago and I found one/many in Mentorbox. That was their sales pitch in one since.
JLH
I've known my whole life that I had learning disabilities all through schooling but I didn't realize until after I started reading how much and how many words I don't know how to pronounce or their meanings, I have to stop myself from calling myself stupid and all. I knew for a fact that math was my worst subject but now I'm learning that I didn't learn so much in English as I thought I did. I've always told people that I have more common sense than book smart and it's true, however, I really am trying hard to change that.
However, the new philosophy that I've adapted and started to apply to my life is really helping me feel better in so many ways, The Stoic Philosophy is amazing if you really study it and understand there meanings. It for one has helped me stop worrying so much and that's great in my eyes. Every day I learn a little more about the Stoics and I couldn't be happier with the choices I've made in my life in the past few months due to the Stoic belief. Just think 7 months ago I wanted to die I begged for it even prayed for it and I don't believe in prayer that's how bad it was. I hated myself and my life. But one single video on Facebook changed my life, for as long as I have left on this planet I will always owe my life to Mentorbox, you may find it silly and that's ok. But years from now if someone reads this let it be known to them that Mentorbox saved my life for the intended reason of their company, simply put in their name Mentor, I needed a mentor 7 months ago and I found one/many in Mentorbox. That was their sales pitch in one since.
JLH
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Ponder This....
One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity. said Albert Schweitzer
People stopped caring a long time ago. People always want to say that they had it worse than you, how do they know it was worse than yours. Why can't people put their lives on hold for a few minutes to help someone else? People are so greedy by wanting all the attention, that they will walk all over you and not even blink an eye.
This is why the world will end. People are going to kill each other with hate, negativity, lies, and greed. They say the world is going to end in 2012, they get their information from a calendar of all things. I think the world will go on but I think somewhere around 2030 or 2040 people will turn on each other with mass riots driven by hate, greed, negativity, and lies. I try not to worry about the end, instead I like to focus on the present. Because I can control things here in the present. I can't change what happened in the past, and I can't predict the future, but as long as I have a breath in my body I have a say in what happens in the present, that being said, I'm going to enjoy the rest of life however long I have left on my terms.
I refuse to be torn down, pushed aside, or controlled by someone else's rules, beliefs, thoughts, or wishes. I have my own brain, heart, and soul. I'm sick and tired of fearing what people think of me. That brings me to my next point. Why do people fear what they don't understand? Why do people fear what people think of them? We were all born with our own brains so wake up people and think for yourself. Think about this we were all born alone and we will die alone, what we do in the meantime is up to us. So live for yourself and not others. The people of the world have taken peer pressure to a whole new level. Peer pressure is so big and powerful that I think it is really the world president. I call him or it President Fear! Because we all live in fear. Scared to go to school because you are wearing hammie down clothes from goodwill or scared to read your term paper out loud in class because you have a studder problem. I lived in fear for 31 years because I was different, I was shy and scared to speak afraid of what people around me would think of me inside their minds. I always feared what they thought of me to themselves.
I say it's time to stand up and speak up, rise up and conquer your fears time to overcome the dark cloud that has been raining on your life. You can get your life back. Fear is a powerful thing but there's something else far more powerful and that's you! But here's the kicker, It all starts with a choice. You either choose to live in fear or you choose to overcome it. It's not easy, It's not fun and it's no picnic, it's life and we only get one shot at this life. I choose to overcome. So I've overcome my fears, but it wasn't easy let me take you on a tour of my brain for the last five years. There was death, there was pain. I lost my father to a man with a gun, I lost my Grandmother Monroe to a bad heart and a sorry hospital. I quit a good job I had for three and a half years because I feared it was going under, got another good job only to lose it to a Massive Panic Attack (that caused me to blackout), and then I was jobless for five months. I lost my home and became homeless, sleeping in my car for two weeks, I've lost four good friends and I've been single for the last seven years. Are you depressed yet? Reading all of that would make anybody sad. So tell me how does one overcome such sadness and heartache? Do you think it's God or maybe it's drugs, how about alcohol? Nope, it's none of the above. Think about this: "I understand that it's hard for everyone, but one cannot give in to emotions... we'll have to draw lessons from the current crisis and now we'll have to work on overcoming it." said Boris Yeltsin
I'm not going to sit here and tell you what your problems are, I'm no doctor. I'm just a guy that wants to help. I'll tell you what helped me, It was my Grandma Horne she's been dead for the last 27 years so it's not like I asked her for advice and she gave it to me, no. I sat down one day by myself and I asked myself what kind of man would she want me to be? Then I cried, cried so hard. It felt good to cry because I hadn't cried one tear in 27 years for nobody. People used to say I was cold and heartless because I didn't cry at funerals. After all that I have overcome in the last five years, there still remains one fear. It is my biggest fear and that fear is, I fear that when I die I will not spend eternity with my Grandma Horne. If you are still confused my Grandma Horne was my life. When she died 27 years ago all the happiness in my body died with her on that hospital bed. Still to this day, that is why it's so hard for me to find happiness, I know it's possible and it's out there I just haven't found it yet.
So happiness is hard to find and life can be challenging sometimes, love can kick our asses like nobody's business. But that's no reason to fear it or hate it. Take what this life gives and make the best of it. We all come into this world crying and everyone around us is smiling, live your life to the point that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
So I'm choosing to overcome my fears and live my life to the standards I choose, not the standards of people around me. I choose to use my brain and my heart to make decisions to best suit my life.
What do you choose to do with your life?
JLH
People stopped caring a long time ago. People always want to say that they had it worse than you, how do they know it was worse than yours. Why can't people put their lives on hold for a few minutes to help someone else? People are so greedy by wanting all the attention, that they will walk all over you and not even blink an eye.
This is why the world will end. People are going to kill each other with hate, negativity, lies, and greed. They say the world is going to end in 2012, they get their information from a calendar of all things. I think the world will go on but I think somewhere around 2030 or 2040 people will turn on each other with mass riots driven by hate, greed, negativity, and lies. I try not to worry about the end, instead I like to focus on the present. Because I can control things here in the present. I can't change what happened in the past, and I can't predict the future, but as long as I have a breath in my body I have a say in what happens in the present, that being said, I'm going to enjoy the rest of life however long I have left on my terms.
I refuse to be torn down, pushed aside, or controlled by someone else's rules, beliefs, thoughts, or wishes. I have my own brain, heart, and soul. I'm sick and tired of fearing what people think of me. That brings me to my next point. Why do people fear what they don't understand? Why do people fear what people think of them? We were all born with our own brains so wake up people and think for yourself. Think about this we were all born alone and we will die alone, what we do in the meantime is up to us. So live for yourself and not others. The people of the world have taken peer pressure to a whole new level. Peer pressure is so big and powerful that I think it is really the world president. I call him or it President Fear! Because we all live in fear. Scared to go to school because you are wearing hammie down clothes from goodwill or scared to read your term paper out loud in class because you have a studder problem. I lived in fear for 31 years because I was different, I was shy and scared to speak afraid of what people around me would think of me inside their minds. I always feared what they thought of me to themselves.
I say it's time to stand up and speak up, rise up and conquer your fears time to overcome the dark cloud that has been raining on your life. You can get your life back. Fear is a powerful thing but there's something else far more powerful and that's you! But here's the kicker, It all starts with a choice. You either choose to live in fear or you choose to overcome it. It's not easy, It's not fun and it's no picnic, it's life and we only get one shot at this life. I choose to overcome. So I've overcome my fears, but it wasn't easy let me take you on a tour of my brain for the last five years. There was death, there was pain. I lost my father to a man with a gun, I lost my Grandmother Monroe to a bad heart and a sorry hospital. I quit a good job I had for three and a half years because I feared it was going under, got another good job only to lose it to a Massive Panic Attack (that caused me to blackout), and then I was jobless for five months. I lost my home and became homeless, sleeping in my car for two weeks, I've lost four good friends and I've been single for the last seven years. Are you depressed yet? Reading all of that would make anybody sad. So tell me how does one overcome such sadness and heartache? Do you think it's God or maybe it's drugs, how about alcohol? Nope, it's none of the above. Think about this: "I understand that it's hard for everyone, but one cannot give in to emotions... we'll have to draw lessons from the current crisis and now we'll have to work on overcoming it." said Boris Yeltsin
I'm not going to sit here and tell you what your problems are, I'm no doctor. I'm just a guy that wants to help. I'll tell you what helped me, It was my Grandma Horne she's been dead for the last 27 years so it's not like I asked her for advice and she gave it to me, no. I sat down one day by myself and I asked myself what kind of man would she want me to be? Then I cried, cried so hard. It felt good to cry because I hadn't cried one tear in 27 years for nobody. People used to say I was cold and heartless because I didn't cry at funerals. After all that I have overcome in the last five years, there still remains one fear. It is my biggest fear and that fear is, I fear that when I die I will not spend eternity with my Grandma Horne. If you are still confused my Grandma Horne was my life. When she died 27 years ago all the happiness in my body died with her on that hospital bed. Still to this day, that is why it's so hard for me to find happiness, I know it's possible and it's out there I just haven't found it yet.
So happiness is hard to find and life can be challenging sometimes, love can kick our asses like nobody's business. But that's no reason to fear it or hate it. Take what this life gives and make the best of it. We all come into this world crying and everyone around us is smiling, live your life to the point that when you die, you are the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
So I'm choosing to overcome my fears and live my life to the standards I choose, not the standards of people around me. I choose to use my brain and my heart to make decisions to best suit my life.
What do you choose to do with your life?
JLH
I've Tried
I've tried ..... two little words that mean so much but they carry no weight to them in the ears that hear them.
Trying to fit in these days is not so easy anymore. People are so judgmental now. I've seen so many changes in the world, when I was 15 I never thought that there would be cell phones because when I was 15 Pagers had just come out and it was the thing back then. I even remember the famous Pong, the first-ever video game console. We've come along why since then, people are no different. People used to be somewhat nice 15 to 20 years ago. But in the last 41 years, I have witnessed a lot of hate, violence, and death. I've kinda had enough of death in my life. So why it is those two little words (I've Tried) are overlooked when you try talking with someone about something that is bothering you?
As I mentioned in my last blog (Ponder This) I said that people nowadays think they are the only ones with problems. Ask yourself this when you approach someone about a problem you're facing what is the first thing they usually say to you? Does this sound familiar? (You ain't the only one with problems) Yeah, that's the kind of people we are all turning into. "My problem is bigger than your problems. Kind of people." I thought only guys said shit like that when we were in the locker room talking about the sizes of are dicks. OOO Fuck! We are turning into teenage boys haha.
So what in the world is it going to take to make people listen??
I've tried to help you understand,
I've tried to help you see.... Me,
I've tried to help you see.... You,
I've tried to fix what needs fixing,
I've tried to make you happy,
I've tried to make myself happy,
I've tried killing myself twice,
I've tried asking for help,
I've tried until I couldn't try anymore...
Then I asked myself, what would my Grandma Horne want me to do with my life? The first thing she would have said is that killing myself would be the coward's way out, and I wasn't a coward and then proceed to pop my ass one good time for thinking such nonsense.
So I promised her that I would never ever try killing myself again because you know what they say third time the charm. So since then, I have been just floating around in this life with no real direction. When I was around 31 my father was kidnapped, robbed, and murdered. He worked as a cab driver for Gold Star Taxi and he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I tried to put on a brave face for a few months but behind closed doors I was devastated, it hit me like a Mack truck. In court one of the guys that were involved in my dad's demise said he heard my dad say (why why) after they shot him for the first time. Then they shot him two more times in the back of the head just to make sure he was dead. I think that bothered me more than anything else. I tried to hide my tears and grief from everybody, because my dad told me as I grew up that crying was a sign of weakness and only girls cried, told me men are not weak.
But as the weeks and months passed after his death, I became more and more upset to the point I had to talk to someone, but then I found I had no one to talk to. Let me point out one thing here when I say I didn't have anyone to talk to I am saying I really didn't have anyone I felt comfortable talking to.
My being upset all the time turned into me being pissed off all the time. I have always been upset and pissed at myself for not ever making anything of myself. But now I'm majorly pissed off all the time. Then that didn't last long until I started the I don't give a shit attitude. At this point in my life, I was so unhappy with my life that I went to bed every night praying for death, I prayed that I would die in my sleep and every morning I would wake up and start the cycle all over again. One night I dreamed I was having a heart attack it was so bad it woke me up and my chest was hurting so bad, I couldn't breathe and the left side of my body was numb. The very next night I had another dream. Still, this dream was very calm, peaceful and almost beautiful, it had bright white light then it was my Grandma Horne standing there and she said one word to me and it was "Live" Since then I have been getting better and trying to enjoy life because that's what she wanted me to do. Life for me these days is still hard and I still get into my moods, I still have to fight away the bad thoughts in my head. In fact, I am a little happier these days. So in closing, what I have learned is giving up is never the answer, and pushing forward is.
Keep trying things until you figure them out, Things will always work themselves out so in the meantime be calm and relax. I used to tell myself that dying was the only way I could ever get anybody to listen to me, but then I realized I have a tongue, so I decided to start using it.
JLH
Trying to fit in these days is not so easy anymore. People are so judgmental now. I've seen so many changes in the world, when I was 15 I never thought that there would be cell phones because when I was 15 Pagers had just come out and it was the thing back then. I even remember the famous Pong, the first-ever video game console. We've come along why since then, people are no different. People used to be somewhat nice 15 to 20 years ago. But in the last 41 years, I have witnessed a lot of hate, violence, and death. I've kinda had enough of death in my life. So why it is those two little words (I've Tried) are overlooked when you try talking with someone about something that is bothering you?
As I mentioned in my last blog (Ponder This) I said that people nowadays think they are the only ones with problems. Ask yourself this when you approach someone about a problem you're facing what is the first thing they usually say to you? Does this sound familiar? (You ain't the only one with problems) Yeah, that's the kind of people we are all turning into. "My problem is bigger than your problems. Kind of people." I thought only guys said shit like that when we were in the locker room talking about the sizes of are dicks. OOO Fuck! We are turning into teenage boys haha.
So what in the world is it going to take to make people listen??
I've tried to help you understand,
I've tried to help you see.... Me,
I've tried to help you see.... You,
I've tried to fix what needs fixing,
I've tried to make you happy,
I've tried to make myself happy,
I've tried killing myself twice,
I've tried asking for help,
I've tried until I couldn't try anymore...
Then I asked myself, what would my Grandma Horne want me to do with my life? The first thing she would have said is that killing myself would be the coward's way out, and I wasn't a coward and then proceed to pop my ass one good time for thinking such nonsense.
So I promised her that I would never ever try killing myself again because you know what they say third time the charm. So since then, I have been just floating around in this life with no real direction. When I was around 31 my father was kidnapped, robbed, and murdered. He worked as a cab driver for Gold Star Taxi and he was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I tried to put on a brave face for a few months but behind closed doors I was devastated, it hit me like a Mack truck. In court one of the guys that were involved in my dad's demise said he heard my dad say (why why) after they shot him for the first time. Then they shot him two more times in the back of the head just to make sure he was dead. I think that bothered me more than anything else. I tried to hide my tears and grief from everybody, because my dad told me as I grew up that crying was a sign of weakness and only girls cried, told me men are not weak.
But as the weeks and months passed after his death, I became more and more upset to the point I had to talk to someone, but then I found I had no one to talk to. Let me point out one thing here when I say I didn't have anyone to talk to I am saying I really didn't have anyone I felt comfortable talking to.
My being upset all the time turned into me being pissed off all the time. I have always been upset and pissed at myself for not ever making anything of myself. But now I'm majorly pissed off all the time. Then that didn't last long until I started the I don't give a shit attitude. At this point in my life, I was so unhappy with my life that I went to bed every night praying for death, I prayed that I would die in my sleep and every morning I would wake up and start the cycle all over again. One night I dreamed I was having a heart attack it was so bad it woke me up and my chest was hurting so bad, I couldn't breathe and the left side of my body was numb. The very next night I had another dream. Still, this dream was very calm, peaceful and almost beautiful, it had bright white light then it was my Grandma Horne standing there and she said one word to me and it was "Live" Since then I have been getting better and trying to enjoy life because that's what she wanted me to do. Life for me these days is still hard and I still get into my moods, I still have to fight away the bad thoughts in my head. In fact, I am a little happier these days. So in closing, what I have learned is giving up is never the answer, and pushing forward is.
Keep trying things until you figure them out, Things will always work themselves out so in the meantime be calm and relax. I used to tell myself that dying was the only way I could ever get anybody to listen to me, but then I realized I have a tongue, so I decided to start using it.
JLH
Friends
Hello to the ones that take the time to read my blogs.
Now let's begin, I want to talk about friends NO let me rephrase that (real friends). I am sick and tired of fucking fake people. For the few that have met me, you will figure out really quick that I am not like everybody else, instead, you will see ME! For the ones that have not met me, I am very very quiet, I keep to myself, I don't bother people I keep my mouth shut, in other words, I don't like drama. But that is about to change, some of the people who know me have noticed a change, some for the good and some not. I am cleaning the house sort of speak. But still, that does not make me less than you. I have feelings just like the next guy.
Before I go on I want to share a quote with you, take time to think about it: (A man should choose a better friend than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world, but very few real friends.) What I want someone to explain to me is why are people these days so judgemental. Are you/they so unhappy with your life or friends that you/they got to bring down others?? how sad. So what if I don't wear really nice clothes or I don't have a souped-up car. Or act like everyone else around me just to get their approval.. News Flash I don't need your fucking approval. I will dress and drive and act the way my mother and father raised me to act.
These days it's all about impressing your peers. What the hell for? what are you getting out of it???? Friends???? don't thinks so. A (real friend) is not going to care what you wear what you drive or even who you are. I have come into contact with many people in my life that clam to be my friends, but soon they stop calling or answering their phones or their text. It's always ( I'm Busy! or I got so much going on right now.) Bullshit! what they don't seem to notice is I am very observant. Being a person that doesn't talk much I have more time to see whats going on around me. But anyways these people still call their other friends they GO see their other friends. When a friend says they will call you back and then never call back that pisses me off! I understand people do sometimes forget things, But I have friends who say it and never call back (never)! That does nothing but show me where a rank as a friend to them.
People I am here to tell you that I am not stupid, I may not have book smarts, but God damn it, I have common sense. I just want people to stop once in a while and notice the quiet people, the ones that are shy and sit in the back row. We would love someone to come and sit with us and YOU not feel ashamed to be seen sitting with us.
Think about this: (When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.) This is what I ask all of you that are still reading this. That is to think about all your friends and ask yourself would you die for them? If you answer no about any of your friends do me and them a favor and tell them that you would not die for them and you be on your merry way. In other words STOP WASTING THEIR FUCKING TIME. real friends stick together.
I hope I opened some of your hearts and got you thinking. Because you never know when you will lose them. People die, that's just life. And when people in are lives die, I always hear the same words ( I wish I told them how much I loved them ) so stop being so BUSY, slow down or just STOP and tell everybody that means anything to you that you love them! friends and family, it goes both ways.
JLH
Now let's begin, I want to talk about friends NO let me rephrase that (real friends). I am sick and tired of fucking fake people. For the few that have met me, you will figure out really quick that I am not like everybody else, instead, you will see ME! For the ones that have not met me, I am very very quiet, I keep to myself, I don't bother people I keep my mouth shut, in other words, I don't like drama. But that is about to change, some of the people who know me have noticed a change, some for the good and some not. I am cleaning the house sort of speak. But still, that does not make me less than you. I have feelings just like the next guy.
Before I go on I want to share a quote with you, take time to think about it: (A man should choose a better friend than himself. There are plenty of acquaintances in the world, but very few real friends.) What I want someone to explain to me is why are people these days so judgemental. Are you/they so unhappy with your life or friends that you/they got to bring down others?? how sad. So what if I don't wear really nice clothes or I don't have a souped-up car. Or act like everyone else around me just to get their approval.. News Flash I don't need your fucking approval. I will dress and drive and act the way my mother and father raised me to act.
These days it's all about impressing your peers. What the hell for? what are you getting out of it???? Friends???? don't thinks so. A (real friend) is not going to care what you wear what you drive or even who you are. I have come into contact with many people in my life that clam to be my friends, but soon they stop calling or answering their phones or their text. It's always ( I'm Busy! or I got so much going on right now.) Bullshit! what they don't seem to notice is I am very observant. Being a person that doesn't talk much I have more time to see whats going on around me. But anyways these people still call their other friends they GO see their other friends. When a friend says they will call you back and then never call back that pisses me off! I understand people do sometimes forget things, But I have friends who say it and never call back (never)! That does nothing but show me where a rank as a friend to them.
People I am here to tell you that I am not stupid, I may not have book smarts, but God damn it, I have common sense. I just want people to stop once in a while and notice the quiet people, the ones that are shy and sit in the back row. We would love someone to come and sit with us and YOU not feel ashamed to be seen sitting with us.
Think about this: (When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.) This is what I ask all of you that are still reading this. That is to think about all your friends and ask yourself would you die for them? If you answer no about any of your friends do me and them a favor and tell them that you would not die for them and you be on your merry way. In other words STOP WASTING THEIR FUCKING TIME. real friends stick together.
I hope I opened some of your hearts and got you thinking. Because you never know when you will lose them. People die, that's just life. And when people in are lives die, I always hear the same words ( I wish I told them how much I loved them ) so stop being so BUSY, slow down or just STOP and tell everybody that means anything to you that you love them! friends and family, it goes both ways.
JLH
In memory of Jack L Horne Jr. a.k.a Papabear. 1951-2006
Who was PapaBear? Well for starters he was my father and secondly, he was special to a lot of people. I knew my dad was liked, but I had no idea how much until his death. Sadly, someone has to die before we all see how important they are. I have seen a lot of deaths in my life and have been to a lot of funerals, the number of people that show up at a funeral says a lot about the person. I saw more people at my dad's funeral than at any other funeral I have ever been to. PapaBear was born Oct. 3 1951 right here in Columbus Ga. he was a father to five kids but only four were his. His son Chris was adopted, but he has always felt like a blood brother to me. His first child was Mindy, from his first marriage and then I came along from his second marriage. Then he found his last wife and she had already had Chris then she had two more kids Jason and Angela.
PapaBear was a cab driver for many years and he loved what he did, he was good at it too. Sadly it's also what killed him, if he was not a cab driver he would have never picked up the fare that robbed and shot him.
All the guys that were involved in his death are now in prison.
Sadly enough my dad and I were not on talking terms at the time of his death, so I can't really tell you what his life was like the last five years of his life. I can only tell you what he was like from what I can remember from the past. My dad had many layers. A lot of people may not agree with me on this but that's ok, he was a good man and a good father at times. He was not a perfect person by no means, and it's not my intention to write this blog degrading my father, that's not what I'm doing. I am speaking of what I've seen and been through at the hands of my father.
Let me tell you of a time when my father saved my life, I was eight years old and we were driving down the road and we were in his old rusted-up Chevy Nova. I got in the old Nova and shut the door, but for those of you that don't know these old-timey cars had big heavy doors on them, and guess what, yep that's right I being eight years old and weak, I didn't close the door very well and my dad took a hard left hand turn and out the car, I went but then out of nowhere he somehow was able the grab ahold of my shorts I was wearing, and pulled me inside the car. I have a lot of good stories I could tell you about PapaBear and there are also some bad ones. I refuse to tell you any bad stories about my father because I feel it would be wrong on my part. Whatever bad stuff he has ever done to me or anybody else, it's all over now, he has paid his dues. No matter what I type or write or say about him, nothing's gonna bring him back. Plus why talk bad about him now when he is not here to defend himself. That's something he taught me never kick a man when he is down.
Somebody here recently asked me how my dad got the name PapaBear? I told them he gave it to himself and I said that I was not completely sure about this but I think he came up with it for his kids, we were the baby cubs and he was the PapaBear. That's what I think he was going with it. And after a while it just kinda stuck and for many years he was known as Papabear, a trusty cab driver and a good father.
I may or may not continue this blog. I hope you enjoyed what I've written and if you have any questions about PapaBear or any comments please leave them in the comment section below and I'll get back to you soon. Thanks
JLH
PapaBear was a cab driver for many years and he loved what he did, he was good at it too. Sadly it's also what killed him, if he was not a cab driver he would have never picked up the fare that robbed and shot him.
All the guys that were involved in his death are now in prison.
Sadly enough my dad and I were not on talking terms at the time of his death, so I can't really tell you what his life was like the last five years of his life. I can only tell you what he was like from what I can remember from the past. My dad had many layers. A lot of people may not agree with me on this but that's ok, he was a good man and a good father at times. He was not a perfect person by no means, and it's not my intention to write this blog degrading my father, that's not what I'm doing. I am speaking of what I've seen and been through at the hands of my father.
Let me tell you of a time when my father saved my life, I was eight years old and we were driving down the road and we were in his old rusted-up Chevy Nova. I got in the old Nova and shut the door, but for those of you that don't know these old-timey cars had big heavy doors on them, and guess what, yep that's right I being eight years old and weak, I didn't close the door very well and my dad took a hard left hand turn and out the car, I went but then out of nowhere he somehow was able the grab ahold of my shorts I was wearing, and pulled me inside the car. I have a lot of good stories I could tell you about PapaBear and there are also some bad ones. I refuse to tell you any bad stories about my father because I feel it would be wrong on my part. Whatever bad stuff he has ever done to me or anybody else, it's all over now, he has paid his dues. No matter what I type or write or say about him, nothing's gonna bring him back. Plus why talk bad about him now when he is not here to defend himself. That's something he taught me never kick a man when he is down.
Somebody here recently asked me how my dad got the name PapaBear? I told them he gave it to himself and I said that I was not completely sure about this but I think he came up with it for his kids, we were the baby cubs and he was the PapaBear. That's what I think he was going with it. And after a while it just kinda stuck and for many years he was known as Papabear, a trusty cab driver and a good father.
I may or may not continue this blog. I hope you enjoyed what I've written and if you have any questions about PapaBear or any comments please leave them in the comment section below and I'll get back to you soon. Thanks
JLH
Who's to knows what is true.
Who's to know who's right nowadays? You got one book, retold, reprinted, and preached over a million upon million upon million times over the last several centuries. Is it possible that maybe just maybe the story could have been changed over the centuries, the words of the book tweaked here and there to better suit people's needs and opinions?
I see... it's like a lie told and someone tells someone else and they tell another person and they tell someone else and every time it's retold the lie is changed just a tiny bit so it still sounds good but still a lie. It's just too hard for me to believe in a book that has been reprinted a million trillion times and something not to be changed or left out or pages put in the wrong order. Maybe that's why the bible is so hard for so many to understand because it has been rewritten, reprinted, and retold so many times that who is to know who is right?
JLH
I see... it's like a lie told and someone tells someone else and they tell another person and they tell someone else and every time it's retold the lie is changed just a tiny bit so it still sounds good but still a lie. It's just too hard for me to believe in a book that has been reprinted a million trillion times and something not to be changed or left out or pages put in the wrong order. Maybe that's why the bible is so hard for so many to understand because it has been rewritten, reprinted, and retold so many times that who is to know who is right?
JLH
Free Will
“If this being is omnipotent, then every occurrence, including every human action, every human thought, and every human feeling and aspiration is also His work; how is it possible to think of holding men responsible for their deeds and thoughts before such an almighty Being? In giving out punishment and rewards He would to a certain extent be passing judgment on Himself. How can this be combined with the goodness and righteousness ascribed to him?"
-Albert Einstein
This quote was made by Einstein in relation to theistic beliefs. Einstein wrote this in terms of the more commonly postulated arguments for God’s existence. Einstein used omnipotence not in the sense that God exercised direct control over our judgment and choices, but that all choices we make can draw their ultimate cause to the God. You have to read this statement in the context in which Einstein wrote it - that is from the concept of causation. You see according to Christian metaphysicians, such as St. Thomas Aquinas or William Paley, all things in existence are generated from other things that have pre-existed (without a cause there can be no effect). As you move back in time through the succession of causes, that have ultimately led to the present effect, you will see a point of convergence to the ultimate cause, which has always existed and has no cause prior to it. It’s this cause that has been called, in a somewhat arbitrary fashion, God.
Keeping this in mind you probably can see where Einstein is coming from. Seeing that all existence emanates, from what Aquinas calls the First Efficient Cause, it is impossible to promote the idea that “free will” exists. In order for your will to truly be free, and of your own making, the path to every decision you make must not be influenced or in any way encumbered by anything that is outside the decision itself. However, we very well know that the contrary is true. All decisions are based on some form of stimulus that is not of our making. If every stimulus has a cause then every cause leads up to the First Efficient Cause (God).
For example, you make a decision to kill someone. Someone says you are held accountable to God because you decided to do so of your own volition. Well, one must then ask what comprises your own volition? The fact that your mind is acting in such a particular way is not a result of your own making but of what you are subject to. If your action is determined by what you are subject to, then that leads to the question what caused such determining factors? As you travel back through the succession of causes you ultimately arrive at the First Efficient Cause (God) again. You can say that you can resist these temptations to do wrong. Then one must ask again what causes you to want to resist these temptations? When you arrive at that cause, move back through the succession of causes and you still arrive at the First Efficient Cause.
This has led many to conclude, in consideration of the tenets of popular theology, that “free will” does not exist, or at the very least, it is a misnomer. It would probably be more accurate to call “free will” something like “consequential will” or “subjected will”. Hopefully, you get the point that in order to truly have “free will” you must be the cause of yourself.
This is what Einstein and many other skeptics truly mean when they criticize free will. A being that is omnipotent and omniscient knows exactly how every product of his creation will react with each other before they even react with each other. With this knowledge how can the creator blame the creation for not meeting up to the standards of the creator? If the creation (i.e. human beings) transgresses the law established by the creator, it is due to the weakness that was instilled in the creation by the creator. Adam and Eve would not be weak enough to succumb to the temptation of the serpent unless they were created weak. A car will not break down in a month unless it was designed to. Who do you blame, the car or the car designer? Who do you blame, the creator or the creation? Theologians never try to address free will from the aspect of causation because they know it is a no-win situation.
Personally, I do not understand the common defense that Christians use: that God does not exercise direct control over us because he loves us. It would seem to me that it would be more characteristic of a loving God if he DID exercise control over us so that we do NOT hurt each other, steal from each other, or kill each other. Would it make sense for me to allow one of my sons to kill one of my other sons, under the guise of loving them, by letting them have freedom? Love, by any definition that I have heard of, does not behave in this manner. If you say that your definition of love is inadequate in defining God’s love, because your love is based on a human standard then one must ask what standard are you using? Clearly, you are using your own mind to define love, as a result, you are also using a human standard. Therefore, it is useless for you to say God loves or God is love. It’s quite a curious predicament that Christian apologists put themselves in when they say that human reason cannot define God because God defies all things known to reason, and then in the same breath they define in an extremely specific matter what God’s will is, what God thinks is right and wrong, and what God’s intention is towards humanity.
Many theologians say that if God did exercise control over every one of our actions it would be the equivalent of slavery. This is a poor argument. In order for us to recognize that we are enslaved we have to recognize something relative to us that is more free. Pre-Civil War slaves knew that they were slaves because they knew there were people who had more freedom relative to them (slave owners). God being omnipotent could create a world where we are incognizant that he is freer than us. As a result, we would be in a constant state of bliss (heaven on earth). It is pointless for you to say that he lets us exercise our will in order that we may learn from our mistakes. One must ask if God is omnipotent why can’t he create us to perfection without us going through these struggles. The only reason why your father or my father tells us to go to school and struggle through our mistakes is because they do not have the power to instill within us the capacity to function properly, using their own power. Does your father make you beg for food when he can give it to you? He makes you go to school so that you can provide for yourself in the future because he knows that he will not always be there for you. Yet your “Holy Father” is eternal, so such logic would not apply. There is no need for you to struggle to learn anything unless it is God’s intent for you to exist without him. Of course, this is quite contrary to the Judæo-Christian perspective.
In conclusion, the concept of free will has no justification. For it is quite contrary to the view of God being the ultimate creator of all things. Furthermore any attempt at justifying the concept of “free will” only serves to illustrate one of the biggest contradictions of the Judæo-Christian faith, thereby undermining it.
“Can I not do to you, house of Israel, as this potter has done? says the Lord. Indeed like clay in the hand of the potter so are you in my hand, house of Israel”
- Jeremiah 18:6
JLH
-Albert Einstein
This quote was made by Einstein in relation to theistic beliefs. Einstein wrote this in terms of the more commonly postulated arguments for God’s existence. Einstein used omnipotence not in the sense that God exercised direct control over our judgment and choices, but that all choices we make can draw their ultimate cause to the God. You have to read this statement in the context in which Einstein wrote it - that is from the concept of causation. You see according to Christian metaphysicians, such as St. Thomas Aquinas or William Paley, all things in existence are generated from other things that have pre-existed (without a cause there can be no effect). As you move back in time through the succession of causes, that have ultimately led to the present effect, you will see a point of convergence to the ultimate cause, which has always existed and has no cause prior to it. It’s this cause that has been called, in a somewhat arbitrary fashion, God.
Keeping this in mind you probably can see where Einstein is coming from. Seeing that all existence emanates, from what Aquinas calls the First Efficient Cause, it is impossible to promote the idea that “free will” exists. In order for your will to truly be free, and of your own making, the path to every decision you make must not be influenced or in any way encumbered by anything that is outside the decision itself. However, we very well know that the contrary is true. All decisions are based on some form of stimulus that is not of our making. If every stimulus has a cause then every cause leads up to the First Efficient Cause (God).
For example, you make a decision to kill someone. Someone says you are held accountable to God because you decided to do so of your own volition. Well, one must then ask what comprises your own volition? The fact that your mind is acting in such a particular way is not a result of your own making but of what you are subject to. If your action is determined by what you are subject to, then that leads to the question what caused such determining factors? As you travel back through the succession of causes you ultimately arrive at the First Efficient Cause (God) again. You can say that you can resist these temptations to do wrong. Then one must ask again what causes you to want to resist these temptations? When you arrive at that cause, move back through the succession of causes and you still arrive at the First Efficient Cause.
This has led many to conclude, in consideration of the tenets of popular theology, that “free will” does not exist, or at the very least, it is a misnomer. It would probably be more accurate to call “free will” something like “consequential will” or “subjected will”. Hopefully, you get the point that in order to truly have “free will” you must be the cause of yourself.
This is what Einstein and many other skeptics truly mean when they criticize free will. A being that is omnipotent and omniscient knows exactly how every product of his creation will react with each other before they even react with each other. With this knowledge how can the creator blame the creation for not meeting up to the standards of the creator? If the creation (i.e. human beings) transgresses the law established by the creator, it is due to the weakness that was instilled in the creation by the creator. Adam and Eve would not be weak enough to succumb to the temptation of the serpent unless they were created weak. A car will not break down in a month unless it was designed to. Who do you blame, the car or the car designer? Who do you blame, the creator or the creation? Theologians never try to address free will from the aspect of causation because they know it is a no-win situation.
Personally, I do not understand the common defense that Christians use: that God does not exercise direct control over us because he loves us. It would seem to me that it would be more characteristic of a loving God if he DID exercise control over us so that we do NOT hurt each other, steal from each other, or kill each other. Would it make sense for me to allow one of my sons to kill one of my other sons, under the guise of loving them, by letting them have freedom? Love, by any definition that I have heard of, does not behave in this manner. If you say that your definition of love is inadequate in defining God’s love, because your love is based on a human standard then one must ask what standard are you using? Clearly, you are using your own mind to define love, as a result, you are also using a human standard. Therefore, it is useless for you to say God loves or God is love. It’s quite a curious predicament that Christian apologists put themselves in when they say that human reason cannot define God because God defies all things known to reason, and then in the same breath they define in an extremely specific matter what God’s will is, what God thinks is right and wrong, and what God’s intention is towards humanity.
Many theologians say that if God did exercise control over every one of our actions it would be the equivalent of slavery. This is a poor argument. In order for us to recognize that we are enslaved we have to recognize something relative to us that is more free. Pre-Civil War slaves knew that they were slaves because they knew there were people who had more freedom relative to them (slave owners). God being omnipotent could create a world where we are incognizant that he is freer than us. As a result, we would be in a constant state of bliss (heaven on earth). It is pointless for you to say that he lets us exercise our will in order that we may learn from our mistakes. One must ask if God is omnipotent why can’t he create us to perfection without us going through these struggles. The only reason why your father or my father tells us to go to school and struggle through our mistakes is because they do not have the power to instill within us the capacity to function properly, using their own power. Does your father make you beg for food when he can give it to you? He makes you go to school so that you can provide for yourself in the future because he knows that he will not always be there for you. Yet your “Holy Father” is eternal, so such logic would not apply. There is no need for you to struggle to learn anything unless it is God’s intent for you to exist without him. Of course, this is quite contrary to the Judæo-Christian perspective.
In conclusion, the concept of free will has no justification. For it is quite contrary to the view of God being the ultimate creator of all things. Furthermore any attempt at justifying the concept of “free will” only serves to illustrate one of the biggest contradictions of the Judæo-Christian faith, thereby undermining it.
“Can I not do to you, house of Israel, as this potter has done? says the Lord. Indeed like clay in the hand of the potter so are you in my hand, house of Israel”
- Jeremiah 18:6
JLH
Man of Many Names..
So I felt it was time to share something with everyone. I go by many names. And the reason for this I feel is because I honestly feel like each name has its own personality.
Jack: Jack is my real given name Jack is a humble nice guy, average Joe if you will. Stands up for what he believes in. Just an all-around good guy.
Trae: Trae is the shy, quiet, scared, and insecure one. I've always hated the name and the experience I went through back when I was younger. And has grown to be a part of why I'm shy or quiet, insecure or scared. He is the one that gets pushed around and used. Over the years I've tried to suppress him and so far I haven't felt him in a long time.
Cobra Jack or C.J. for short: This guy came out of me when Trae had enough of the shit people put him thru. I wrote a blog a while back about the name and story of Cobra Jack. I got the name for a punch I threw on a guy who was bulling me and I hit him so fast and hard that someone said out loud Cobra Jack. So it stuck. So in short Cobra Jack is someone who stands up to bullies and stands up against people being mistreated.
MovieManJack or MMJ for short: MMJ is pretty much where I tried to stay most of the time, but when you read below you will see it's hard for me to do. he is a fun-loving movie movie-loving guy and all-around cool dude. I came up with MMJ to start with because I thought I was going to be a movie critic but it didn't happen so I like the name so much I just kept it.
And finally:
Pentheus: the one I relate to the most. I learned a few years ago Pentheus was the King of Thebes. Long story short Pentheus is also known as "Man of Sorrows" and derives from πένθος, pénthos, sorrow of grief, especially caused by the death of a loved one. I gave this name to the part of me that has always had a hole in my life and was always missing something. Ever since my Grandma Horne died I walked out of that hospital a different person. And I feel I've never really been the same since. and then when my father was murdered it just strengthened my bond with Pentheus.
So there you have it those are my personalities.
JLH
Jack: Jack is my real given name Jack is a humble nice guy, average Joe if you will. Stands up for what he believes in. Just an all-around good guy.
Trae: Trae is the shy, quiet, scared, and insecure one. I've always hated the name and the experience I went through back when I was younger. And has grown to be a part of why I'm shy or quiet, insecure or scared. He is the one that gets pushed around and used. Over the years I've tried to suppress him and so far I haven't felt him in a long time.
Cobra Jack or C.J. for short: This guy came out of me when Trae had enough of the shit people put him thru. I wrote a blog a while back about the name and story of Cobra Jack. I got the name for a punch I threw on a guy who was bulling me and I hit him so fast and hard that someone said out loud Cobra Jack. So it stuck. So in short Cobra Jack is someone who stands up to bullies and stands up against people being mistreated.
MovieManJack or MMJ for short: MMJ is pretty much where I tried to stay most of the time, but when you read below you will see it's hard for me to do. he is a fun-loving movie movie-loving guy and all-around cool dude. I came up with MMJ to start with because I thought I was going to be a movie critic but it didn't happen so I like the name so much I just kept it.
And finally:
Pentheus: the one I relate to the most. I learned a few years ago Pentheus was the King of Thebes. Long story short Pentheus is also known as "Man of Sorrows" and derives from πένθος, pénthos, sorrow of grief, especially caused by the death of a loved one. I gave this name to the part of me that has always had a hole in my life and was always missing something. Ever since my Grandma Horne died I walked out of that hospital a different person. And I feel I've never really been the same since. and then when my father was murdered it just strengthened my bond with Pentheus.
So there you have it those are my personalities.
JLH
A new me comes this way.....
Hello, Black Void that is my audience.
I just love talking to myself so here I go again haha Things are slowly getting better for me. I was really hard on myself (I always have been) but for the last six years, I've been really hard on myself. I finally had to realize not everything is my fault. I'm not perfect by no means but I didn't bring all this drama on me all by myself. So I sat down and started reading more and started watching more of my favorite motivational speaker... Prince Ea. If you've never watched his videos I very much recommend it.
They have really made me rethink a lot of things and how to approach things in life. I would gladly say that right now in my life he is my idol/mentor. Look him up if you want. Anyway, I just got home and said I'm going to write a little bit, even though nobody reads them. But I know in my heart I wrote it down and when I'm dead and gone and my friends and family finally start to look at my page they then will see. And I hope at that time it brings them so much comfort that I was getting better and by the time I'm gone ill feel like my life meant something if not to anyone else but to me. For the last four years of my life, I was not a happy man.
The last time I was really happy was what I'm going to call the Ara period of my life. Back then things weren't always great but I was happy. But I'm going to make a new promise to myself I will never let myself be as unhappy again as I was the last four years or so. Well guess I'm done talking to myself so I'm going to go read a little and relax and let the happiness come to me.
JLH.
I just love talking to myself so here I go again haha Things are slowly getting better for me. I was really hard on myself (I always have been) but for the last six years, I've been really hard on myself. I finally had to realize not everything is my fault. I'm not perfect by no means but I didn't bring all this drama on me all by myself. So I sat down and started reading more and started watching more of my favorite motivational speaker... Prince Ea. If you've never watched his videos I very much recommend it.
They have really made me rethink a lot of things and how to approach things in life. I would gladly say that right now in my life he is my idol/mentor. Look him up if you want. Anyway, I just got home and said I'm going to write a little bit, even though nobody reads them. But I know in my heart I wrote it down and when I'm dead and gone and my friends and family finally start to look at my page they then will see. And I hope at that time it brings them so much comfort that I was getting better and by the time I'm gone ill feel like my life meant something if not to anyone else but to me. For the last four years of my life, I was not a happy man.
The last time I was really happy was what I'm going to call the Ara period of my life. Back then things weren't always great but I was happy. But I'm going to make a new promise to myself I will never let myself be as unhappy again as I was the last four years or so. Well guess I'm done talking to myself so I'm going to go read a little and relax and let the happiness come to me.
JLH.
Welcome
Hello All
My name is Jack and I welcome you to my personal space. Where I share with you that we all have scars, some mentally and some psychically. Scars are reminders that we are survivors and that we survived what tried to break us. We all have rough lives and nobody can say you are weak because you have the scars to prove them wrong. So I welcome you to come to my blog space and comment and share you stories or feelings or if you want to vent or rant just to get things off your chest, you are more then welcome to. So come make your self at home and remember you will never be judged here.
Jack
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