I don't have any friends... hold on, wait! Hear me out. When you think of friends, what comes to mind? It's someone who has been in your life for a while, someone who shares some common interests with you. Someone who loves to hang out with you, and visits regularly. Someone who you strongly feel in your heart and soul will be there for you in an emergency.
Now on the flip side. When you think of acquaintances, what comes to mind? It's someone you know regularly, they and you know of each other's existence. Such as people you know at work and other social situations. But that is about it. now there may be a few times you may hang out after work etc. but that does not put them in the same category as a friend.
Now this is all just my opinion. If you don't agree that's fine. We all have our definitions of what friends and acquaintances are.
This is mine.
As I think back on my life I have noticed one big thing, I've never had a real friend. Now I take 100 percent responsibility for this. I have always been a very awkward introvert, not knowing how to do small talk has really hurt my chances at friends. Still, at 48 I watch people just talking up a storm about anything and everything. Personally, I have to go through this whole scripted monologue in my head before I even feel somewhat comfortable talking.
I would give my left nut if someone would be 100 percent honest with me and tell me what is it about me seriously that people feel the need to avoid me and not truly try to know me. I've got to be doing something off-putting for people to not want to truly engage with me. I've asked a few of my "acquaintances" in my life that I thought would be straight shooters but they just told me things they thought I wanted to hear. Anywho, moving on.
Don't get me wrong I love some of my acquaintances in my life. I think they are the best. But none of them ever really try to be in my life. To me, if they know about me being introverted and being an awkward person, and yes they know because I always tell people so they know up front that I'm not being rude or anything by the way I am. Even with them knowing this I feel as though they think I should always be the one to call or text first. Or the one to plan outings or get-togethers. For some of my acquaintances, I can go months without talking or texting. And somehow when I bring this up, it is always my fault. Please make it make sense.
A true friend would make an effort a real effort to be friends with you. I've made the effort and put myself out there and made myself uncomfortable for the chance to make a solid friend. But then I am back to the part where I must be doing something off-putting to run them off. As I come to the end of my thoughts on friends vs acquaintances I have strongly come to the conclusion that I will never have a friend only acquaintances. Which is saddening. If anyone ever feels like having the balls to tell me what I need to hear and actually help me, I welcome it. And if not...
It is what it is and I said what I said.
Jack
